i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
