The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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