Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
