dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
