a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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