In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
