It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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