I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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