I'm gonna have a badass scar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize