Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
