wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
