Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
