and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize