How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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