I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
