Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
