you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
