I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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