I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she told me i tasted like america
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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