If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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