I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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