he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
