I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
