hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
