how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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