I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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