Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i think i just lost a toe
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
