im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
