We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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