they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
