so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
