I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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