That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
