Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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