great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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