Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize