It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
