my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
