I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
