Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
