After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
