Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
