brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
