There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
