A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
