yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
