Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize