fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
