worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
