Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
