Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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