You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
