He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
