Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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