In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is it penis luge time yet?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
