its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
