I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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