dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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