I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
