just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
