I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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