she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
